Life. Creativity. Disability & Health.
It’s hard to remember things I haven’t done
When a memory comes
And I’m not sure if it’s true
Of a figment
Something made up or not real
Something I may have done
Or not done
I’m not even sure
The world is mixed up in my mind
Of what is real and what is not
And as the clock
Ticks
It ticks its way
Away
Through time and space
All I can do is wait
To remember something I may have said
Or not said
A figment of my life
What can I say about this TV series? I’ve watched the whole series 4 times now. It has 8 episodes. You shouldn’t watch it if you feel at all suicidal. You shouldn’t watch it if you are experiencing current psychosis or dissociation symptoms. I love it I love it I love it. I love Natasha Lyonne. Apparently. She is so awesome in this. I also want her friend’s apartment. Oh and her friendships she has with her friends. So laid back. It looks so easy. Although I don’t want the relationships she has. Her prerogative obviously I just wouldn’t want men who treat me some of the ways hers do. I want her hair. An aside. I don’t want there to be multiple universes. Nor do I want what happens to the main characters to ever happen to me.
This is all I can give away without spoilers…so go watch it and tell me what you think!
I am me
Don’t tell me I can’t be me
Because I am who I am
Trying to be who I’m meant to be
And when I wander around
Meaninglessly
Not knowing which way I’m travelling
To the moon or backwards towards a blue sky
I need to stop
And prioritise why
Of where I’m going and where I need to be
Of life’s cruel identity
Struggle
Of being not here or there
And when I look in the mirror
I don’t understand the horror
Of who that is
Because it isn’t me
Until I spring back and know
That this is me
It’s who I want and need to be
And the alien in the mirror is
Incidental
Becauuse I am me
Whatever is in the mirror
Is who I’m meant to be
A professional patient is what I am
But not what I do
Not like a vocation or a career
I didn’t choose this
But you treat me like I did
Collecting ways you can throw points away
That would help me live
Disrespect is your vocation
Of making vulenerable people
Feel small
Not tall
Not empowering people to live
The best way they can
But labelling us and making me feel worthless
How is that fair
In a first world country
And I’m sure you’d pipe back
Life isn’t fair
And I’d scream
I fucking know that
I’m the one who lives in the hospital
Who has no hope for the future
Who will only get worst
Who will only wither away without a fight
And not exist anymore
Life is not fucking fair
But I still choose to live
While you choose to be
The most horrible and disrespectful person
You were apparently meant to be
So when you get down on your luck
Remind me to tell you
That life is not fair
But I will rise above it
I hope it will rise above it
Trapped beneath
Unable to escape
Breathing through air bubbles
Fighting to keep going
Feels like theres no way out
But I keep trusting
Something out there can
reach down to me
And pull me out of this pit
Trapped beneath
Unable to escape
Life’s biggest scare
People’s biggest ignore
Trapped beneath
Unable to escape
But I keep trusting
Just thought I’d share some art work I’ve done recently. Making art makes me feel calm and more in control of my environment.
Today I had a hospital appointment at the Royal National. It was a quick and easy appointment, not too many cards in the air.
However the whole time I was there I was thinking, why can’t other hospitals be like this? Staff were so compassionate and so helpful. They have a patient taxi who can take you across campus and the staff are always trying to make sure you are safe and okay. No one ignored me when I stumbled and nearly fell. They made sure I was okay and didn’t need help.
This kind of approach makes things so much easier and plainly, so much more pleasant. It made me feel as we weren’t alone and filled my little heart with joy. It’s also not a hard thing to do, it’s essentially being kind to people, and that’s not difficult.
Kindness makes the hospital more manageable. The hospital should always be manageable, whatever reason you’re there, because it’s stressful no matter what.
So thanks to Royal National staff for your kindness today. It made all the difference. Never stop being kind.
What? Hilda.
A cartoon with a strong female lead who’s quite different. Lots of adventure and strangeness! Ghosts, gnomes and trolls! What else do you need!?
My thoughts-
I love it! Great colours and storylines to get you hooked. I love Hilda and her mum’s relationship and how all Hilda’s friends accept each other for who they are not what they have in common.
Why watch it?
If you like quirky this is for you. It reminds me of Adventure Time slightly. It has good characters and the relationships are well created and deepening as I watch the series.
Let me know what you think of Hilda? Like or hate?
1. Work with a service dog
2. Go on a cruise
3. Have something published
4. Go to Disneyland Paris
5. Make my wheelchair into a powered one
6. Sell a piece of art work
7. Make money for a charity i support
8. Have a family photoshoot
9. Meet Helena Bonham Carter
10. Go to a beach where it’s actually warm!
Do you have 10 or more/ less things you’d like to do sometime? I love to know yours as it’s quite an interesting concept!
Leonard is my therapy
As she sits on my knee
Looking up at me
And I wonder what she’s thinking
What thoughts go on in her mind
When neurones fire
What her small brain conspires
If she understands my love for her
That I’ll always be there for her
Like she’s always there for me
Letting me know I am not alone
That she has my back
We’re safe at home
Together in whatever mess
the world holds today
Together we can keep being okay
Beth Newby 